


Eating Lead

by Ms_Marchy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Both Eren and Levi are probs a little ooc, Canon verse, Eren looks after his Captain, Gen, I'm sorry Sasha, Mentions of Suicide, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, brief mention of Sasha Brause
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_Marchy/pseuds/Ms_Marchy
Summary: After coming back from a bad survey mission outside the Walls, Eren decides to bring Captain Levi tea. He knew Levi had seemed a little upset earlier that day, the mission not going as planned as the team was swarmed by titans, but he didn't realize how much until he saw Levi when the Captain didn't think anyone was watching.





	

**Author's Note:**

> discretion: I do not own AoT or any of the characters, as we all know.

Eren quietly stood outside the door of Captain Levi's quarters, hot tea in hand, and an elbow poised to knock. It didn't sound as though anyone else was in the office with his captain. Eren wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not, the look on his face when the mission was over terrified Eren. It was a vacant look of pure despair and agony.

That was why he was bringing Heichou tea. He wondered briefly if this was appropriate. He knew there was a chance that Captain Levi would deny his company, but even if so, he hoped that Levi would still see it as a show of support.

The door was opened a crack, and Eren knew he really shouldn't look in, especially not on his Commanding officer, but curiosity got the best of him and he peeked an eye through the crack of the door. The light inside was slightly blinding in contrast to the dark, torch-lit hallways of the castle.

When his eye was able to adjust, he gasped. His Captain was sitting in the chair at his desk, slouched with an arm up on the back of it. His other hand, resting on the desk, had the Captain's silver pistol, and the way Levi was looking at it told him he wasn't doing just a routine cleaning. Eren watched with bated breath as his Captain lifted the pistol, eyes following the movement, flipping the pistol backwards and resting the tip against his forehead. Eren felt his whole body lose feeling. Levi moved his lips, a small, quiet noise mimicking the sound of a pistol going off. 

Levi huffed, unamused, the corner of his lips quirking momentarily, mocking himself, before he tipped his chin up and dragged the pistol down his face and inserted the offending metal in his mouth. His eyes closed, as though he was trying to get the feel of the idea of his brains scrambling as the bullet ricocheted and finally split the bone of his skull as it exited the back of his head.

All at once, the feeling in Eren's body came back to him, the nerves in the tips of his fingers and toes tingling until they felt as though they were on fire! Eren needs to move! He needs to get in there and stop Captain Levi before he pulls the trigger and the castle wall has his brains sprayed all over the place.

Thankfully, Levi removed the pistol before Eren could force his body to move, slamming the damned thing on the table and throwing his head down on the table as well, encompassing his face with his arms, hands fisting his hair in what Eren guessed was anger and frustration.

It was the biggest act of emotion Eren had ever seen on the older man. Even when Petra died, and Levi had given her wings away; even when he talked of his old squad and the family he'd had before it, his outward emotions only ranged from apathetic to enraged. Never sad or desperate or happy. Eren never expected happiness on the older man's face, not after everything he had been through. And sure, he had thought, if he were Levi, he wouldn't have made it this far. But Levi never gave the impression of being suicidal before. He held himself to high standards at all times, only getting higher when the younger cadets walked into the same room as him.

A light around the corner of the corridor grew, shadows of those approaching cast against the wall. If Eren is caught peeping on his Superior officer, he would be punished. He quickly takes a few steps away, feigning sudden arrival, and pauses, waiting for the approaching scouts to get closer before moving back to the door. He took a deep breath, trying to control his anxiety. The shadows of the others approaching grew and so did their voices. One a deep rumble that could only be Commander Erwin. The other replied with a more feminine voice that Eren recognized as Hanji's. "He seemed a little out of himself after the mission earlier."

Oh god, he can't just keep standing here. He knows he won't get away with feigning ignorance. Either he would snap and tell Erwin what could happen, or Hanji would see at as some weird adorable idolization and tell Levi, who would start pushing Eren away and that's the last thing Eren wants, especially now that Eren knows Levi needs someone to lean on. What if he walks in and can't hold his tongue about what he witnessed? What if Erwin walks in on them fighting? He should just forget about this whole thing. Levi probably wasn't going to shoot himself if he hadn't in those last moments. But Eren is still holding the Captain's tea! He can't pawn it off to anyone else because no one else drinks Levi's tea, and if they did like the same tea as Levi, they wouldn't dare.

He came back from his internal panic to see himself back at Captain Levi's door, elbow poised once more. Now or never, he supposed. He took another deep breath to try to steady himself and knocked his elbow against the door.

"Come in, brat," the captian's voice was gruff.

Eren walked in, the surprise over being correctly guessed must have shown on his face because Levi tutted and muttered about Eren's heavy breathing when he's nervous. Levi looked calm and rested, the opposite of what Eren expected. But if he looked hard enough, he knew that there would be more anger than mild annoyance in Captain Levi's eyes. Eren swallowed and carefully set the plate that held the Captain's tea on the desk. "Also you walk like a cow on cobblestone." he added, grabbing the tea from Eren's serving platter. "I hope it doesn't taste like shit like last time."

"I kept it black," Eren answered. His eyes caught a gleam and landed on the sight of the pistol placed on the desk, the cleaning cloth next to it, but the barrel still baring the marks of dried spit. He watched Corporal Levi take a sip of his tea, his face blank.

Eren set his own tea back down on the desk delicately, knowing better than to carelessly make even the slightest mess. Images of the pistol in Levi's mouth fresh in his mind, the pain on his mentor's face. "Levi," he recalled the beads of sweat, the way he slammed the pistol on the table like he was angry at himself for not being able to do it.

"What?!" The corporal snarled at the use of his first name unaddressed. The look on the kid's face worried him, and when the kid didn't respond, he simply put his shoulders back up and sipped his tea, wondering what was going through the boy's mind. The mission of the week had been hard on all of them. Some more than the others. He supposed Eren turning into a titan multiple times executively must have been taxing on his mind and body.

"Please don't do it, Sir," Eren finally voiced thickly yet quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the pistol.

He heard Captain Levi choke on his tea at the request, yet Eren didn't dare to lift his gaze. He knew the dark look in Levi's eyes that would bore down through him. "What the fuck?" He spit. He seemed to realize his outburst and quickly composed himself, sitting down at the desk. He kept his voice monotone, but very strict. "What do you know, Brat?" He scoffed. "Nothing, that's what."

"Heichou, we need you."

"How dare you!" The tone in the Captain's voice was a warning, but Eren pushed through.

"You are important to us... Sir, I understand why you don't appreciate the sentiment, especially today, but it's true." He heard Levi growl, but the older man didn't try to stop him physically yet, so Eren kept going. "Please try to see it from the cadets' perspectives. You're 34 years old and you've lost a lot more than a couple of friends. Yet, you're still here. You've made it through your 20's, which isn't something many scouts can say. You've saved us all many times! We respect you. And even though you're Humanities Strongest, none of us would blame you if you needed time off to get better. You shouldn't be struggling to keep livi-" 

"Don't you fucking say it!" Levi hissed, a fist hitting the table, knuckles white. "You have no right! Absolutely no fucking right to talk to me like this, Shitty Brat!"

"I understand, Sir," Eren answered, voice unwavering. He still kept his eyes drawn down, trying to keep some appearance of respect.

"Do you?" the Captain's voice was raw. There was a sudden pull from Eren's front, a hand fisted into his shirt. "I am your Corporal!" Eren heard a click and something cold being forced against his forehead. "I could kill you if I wanted! I have the damned right!"

Eren did his best not to focus on the pistol. He knew Levi was the best when it came to guns, he wasn't going to accidentally shoot him."I know," he answered quietly. He looked at Captain Levi, seeing the anger and, what looked like, embarrassment. "Is it what you need to do?" Eren asked softly.

Levi startled. "What?" he gasped.

"We need you," Eren answered. "You are our Hope not only amongst the Cadets, but for the rest of Humanity. We have given our hearts for you. We trust you, we trust your judgement. And for me, I trust it tenfold. You're the last one to treat me like a monster, even though it will be your job to kill me one day. I know that you'll choose the right time when it comes. If you want to cut your losses on me now, I trust that you have the right reasons."

Levi scoffed. "You trust my judgment?" he mocked, a hint of what almost sounded of humor in his voice. He pushed Eren back into his chair roughly. "Do you think Sasha trusted my judgement as she screamed for my help in the hand of a titan?"

"She saw you coming-" 

Levi stood and kicked the chair he was sitting in. "And I still didn't get to her! I didn't get to her, or Petra, or Gunther, or Eld, or Ourou, or.. or anyone who has ever needed my help!" He seemed in hysterics and Eren really didn't know what to do. He stood with his Captain, who faced away from him, shoulders hunched, gun in his hand seemingly ignored for the moment.

Eren went for that first, slowly and carefully, even if it meant getting a black eye. "You saved me," Eren stated simply, gently pulling the metal from his Captain's fingers, who didn't resist. Instead he grabbed Eren's hand as the boy turned to place the gun back on the table. Eren froze, body tense waiting for the punishment for taking something from the Captain. Levi didn't say anything, didn't give off the impression that he wanted to. He pulled Eren's hand towards him. "You've saved my friends. You've saved Hanji and Commander Erwin many times." He added when Levi didn't pull him any closer. He inched his other hand up towards the Captain's shoulders and caressed them with care and comfort. Levi was stiff, but didn't push him away. "Please, Heichou...

...Save yourself, too."

**Author's Note:**

> (a/n) I sketched this out and posted the sketch on my instagram "hopeymarchy_art_blog". I'll try to figure out how to link it onto here asap.


End file.
